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Post-Traumatic Phone Disorder
Nov. 16th, 2020 10:00 pmSometimes when I begin to grow wistful about my former job, and think on how much I miss some parts of it, I remember the company phone that I had to carry around with me.
The cell was an old Samsung flip phone that stayed with me to my last day there, even though everyone else in my department had been upgraded to phones or Androids.
I only carried the phone when I was on-call so that I could be reached in an emergency. I used to get irritated with my managers and co-workers when the phone would go off while I was sitting at my desk, next to my land-line. My main phone had a hands-free headset, better sound, and - most importantly - the mobile was for emergencies. Most of them were younger than me, and even though they all had desk phones along with their mobiles, they just couldn't wrap their heads around not calling somebody's cell.
The phone stayed on my bedside stand during the nights when I was on call. During a particularly bad week, I might get awakened 6-7 times. Every time it rang during the night was hell. I had to switch from dead sleep to fully alert, stumbling out of the bedroom and trying to wriggle into my bathrobe in case it ended up being a long call. Over time our reporting systems stabilized, and I could often go a week with no calls during the night. That did not mean that I slept well.
Just knowing that the phone was there kept me on edge. There were many nights when I would jar awake and reach for the phone, swearing that I'd heard its ring tone as I was dozing off.
Even now, almost two full years since I retired, the sound of its ring can still set me off. I turned in the phone on my last day of work, but every once in awhile I will be out in public, or listening to the radio and my subconscious brain will pick out a musical refrain that sounds like that old ring tone. I always know when that happens because I feel my heart inexplicably skip a beat, and I'm suddenly hyper alert. I usually figure out the cause right away, but ... ugh.
In retrospect, I should have got in the habit of changing the phone's ring tone every month or two so that I could avoid conditioning my lizard brain to behave in a Moldavian manner at its sound.
I caught a picture of a squirrel while I was out walking today. I call this one, "Yeet!"
The cell was an old Samsung flip phone that stayed with me to my last day there, even though everyone else in my department had been upgraded to phones or Androids.
I only carried the phone when I was on-call so that I could be reached in an emergency. I used to get irritated with my managers and co-workers when the phone would go off while I was sitting at my desk, next to my land-line. My main phone had a hands-free headset, better sound, and - most importantly - the mobile was for emergencies. Most of them were younger than me, and even though they all had desk phones along with their mobiles, they just couldn't wrap their heads around not calling somebody's cell.
The phone stayed on my bedside stand during the nights when I was on call. During a particularly bad week, I might get awakened 6-7 times. Every time it rang during the night was hell. I had to switch from dead sleep to fully alert, stumbling out of the bedroom and trying to wriggle into my bathrobe in case it ended up being a long call. Over time our reporting systems stabilized, and I could often go a week with no calls during the night. That did not mean that I slept well.
Just knowing that the phone was there kept me on edge. There were many nights when I would jar awake and reach for the phone, swearing that I'd heard its ring tone as I was dozing off.
Even now, almost two full years since I retired, the sound of its ring can still set me off. I turned in the phone on my last day of work, but every once in awhile I will be out in public, or listening to the radio and my subconscious brain will pick out a musical refrain that sounds like that old ring tone. I always know when that happens because I feel my heart inexplicably skip a beat, and I'm suddenly hyper alert. I usually figure out the cause right away, but ... ugh.
In retrospect, I should have got in the habit of changing the phone's ring tone every month or two so that I could avoid conditioning my lizard brain to behave in a Moldavian manner at its sound.
I caught a picture of a squirrel while I was out walking today. I call this one, "Yeet!"
