plonq | Our so-called leadership debate

Last night

atara and I sat through two gruelling hours of debate between the four major party leaders. I can't speak for both of us but I want those two hours of my life back.

Before this debate I had made up my mind, but now I'm not so sure. I still have the option of going with the Green Party or the Marijuana Party, or (if a lobotomy comes into my life between now and election day) there's always this party.

Has our gene pool become so shallow that these four were the best candidates they could produce for the parties? As the debate dragged on it simply gelled my conviction that the best option available to us right now is to take these four duds, shove rabid weasels up their rectums and cram them into a rocket ship pointed at the heart of the sun.

Gilles Duceppe
Species: rat (the kind that jump from sinking ships)
sub-Species: Mister Irrelevant

Dude, you are living evidence that your province has a collectively small penis. Get over yourselves already.

Duceppe raised a few good points, and took a few good shots at Martin and Harper, but every time he repeated that lame phrase, "The provinces and Quebec" it strengthened my mental image of rabid weasels and Vaseline. My greatest fear is that Harper might cut a deal with him to form a minority government.

Jack Layton
Species: Squirrel (he just had that mannerism about him)
sub-Species: Use-car Salesman

Dude. Seriously. Lose the smarmy used-car salesman grin. He may have raised a few good points, but I honestly can't remember. I couldn't get past the fixed, insincere smile and the motivational-speaker antics. I got a chuckle when Martin interrupted him once to say, "Did you handlers tell you to just keep talking?" I wonder if he got some BOTOX shots just before the debate?

I admit that he gained a few respect points from me because he directly named some of the contentious issues and said exactly where he stood on them, rather than dancing around them like the other three.

Stephen Harper
Species: Snake
sub-Species: Televangelist

Aside from a lot of empty feel-good speak, Harper really didn't come out and take a firm stand on any issues. From his plastic hair on down he looked and acted the part of a televangelist, with all the sincerity of the same. While I am in agreement with a lot of his party's fiscal policy, their leader scares me. Harper comes across like a man with something up his sleeve that he plans to whip out after the election. If Belinda Stronach had won the leadership race I'd have voted for their party in a heartbeat, but this guy is a snake. It didn't help that he avoided looking at the camera through much of the debate.

My biggest fear is that he is going to end up cutting a deal with Duceppe to form a minority government. If he does that then I suspect he could become the latter-day Joe Clark. I don't think such an alliance could survive a full term, and if the alliance collapsed then, if history carries any weight, the voters would punish both parties for it.

Paul Martin
Species: Weasel
sub-Species: Politician

This guy simply maxed out my weasel-o-meter. He was shifty. He tacked a weaselly qualifier onto just about everything he said. He ducked the questions, he evaded the issues. Paul Martin did not impress me. He did not inspire me.

None of these four impressed or inspired me. Duceppe and Layton both seemed the most sincere (once you got past the painted, insincere smile on the latter) but they are both leaders of fringe parties. The last two leaders that come to mind who seemed to radiate genuine honesty were Joe Clark and Preston Manning. Maybe Ed Broadbent too. A bit.