I hope they choke on it.

[plonq]

I grumped about this last week, but now I am up against a deadline and I need to fill in some blanks.

3.3 Preliminary Orientations

The general orientations for a solution to manage the critical security aspects and leverage the context's beneficial elements.

Originally I was going to insert a fish as my answer, but I have decided to go with the following:

Who writes this stuff? What does this even mean?
We must engineer a proactive security solution which leverages the beneficial security elements contextually oriented within the vision framework.

Unprofessional? Perhaps a little, but I am tired of slogging my way through obfuscated documents dripping with corporate double-speak. I could sum up section three of this "Opportunities Document" with three questions that need answers:

1) How is application security handled today?
2) How will application security be handled tomorrow?
3) How will these changes affect the company and the end user?

A few years ago I attended a company-sponsored course on clarity in communication. They emphasized the need to be clear and concise in our correspondence, yet they seem to have no qualms about sending out bizarre documents laden with corporate lingo. Colour me unimpressed.

By the way, I haven't sent this document yet, so if you can help me to make my answer even more obscure, I welcome your input. >:)

Comments

[lowen-kind.livejournal.com]

1) How is application security handled today?
Security is handled by the end user typing in a 128 character password, known only to me, exactly on the first try. Any mistyping forces a re-boot of his station and the main server. The end user is also forbidden to try again for 24 hours.

2) How will application security be handled tomorrow?
I change the password daily, and sometimes twice a day.

3) How will these changes affect the company and the end user?
No one, other than myself, will ever see the application, so security is maximized.

Of course your password, only accessible from your station, would be "Fish". :=3

[lowen-kind.livejournal.com]

Quick math shows that with 62 possible characters (A-Z; a-z; 0-9) and a 128 character password that leaves 7936 combinations possible. :=3

If the user is locked out for 24 hours and assuming he does get it right on the very last try, he would spend 7936 days or 21.727583846680355920602327173169 years (21 years 8 months 22 days). Pretty secure in my book.

If you did not lock him out for 24 hours and he tried once a minute, it would take him 132.26666666666666666666666666667 hours or 5.5111111111111111111111111111111 days (5 days 12 hours 16 minutes). Still pretty secure. :=3

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

62 symbols is incorrect. Add 32 more to include all symbols on the keyboard.

One character, there are 94 possible combinations.
Two characters, there are 94*94 possible combinations. 8836
Three character, 94*94*94. 830K
128 characters, 94^128. 3.6338 x 10^252

Number of seconds since the big bang, approx 441.8 x 10^15

Odds of someone remembering a 128 letter password - 0.0000

[typographer.livejournal.com]

I routinely have work passwords exceeding 20 characters. The longest password I've ever used was 43 characters...

...and the new system at work will accept a 128 character password.

I suddenly feel a challenge coming on...

[pfcottontail.livejournal.com]

Hold down the '1' key until the buffer is overrun. Then delete the last 1 and make it a 2. No one will ever guess it.

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

"The first general orientation is to bend the writer of this stupid document over his desk and sharpen pencils in his nose until he learns to write clearly and concisely - in accordance with COMPANY POLICY."

Fish would probably get you in less trouble though.

[mwalimu.livejournal.com]

"...furthermore, we must chastise the perpetrators of linguistic obfuscation, whereinbyuponwhich they shall be immersed in practitioners of commonspeak until such rehabilitation results in said perpetrators producing documentation of utmost quality and clarity and provokes such reactions as 'Gr8 3ngl1sh, d00d!'."

[pfcottontail.livejournal.com]

You really should use the word 'synergy.' Ideally you would start the sentence with "it's showtime."

[dingotush.livejournal.com]

Any question about "orientation" clearly demands an answer that includes the word "aligned". It does not matter what other words are used, so long as this one is present.

An alternative approach is to repeatedly write "Please clarify the question" as the answer to each section. This works well if you don't want to do the project anytime soon. For bonus points submit the document to the project review board for clarification.