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plonqI don't know if I've ever shared this little anecdote, but it harks back to the days when part of my job entailed answering the main switchboard during off-hours. Most times when the phone rang it was somebody wishing to speak with the crew clerks, looking to get themselves put back into call rotation, or booking unfit, or performing any of the various sundry and mundane things that went on between the crews and the call office.
The second most frequent calls were from people who wanted to know the schedule for the passenger trains. We hadn't run any passenger service for better than 10 years at that point, but these folks would find a dusty brochure from 1957 in the bottom of a trunk in their attic and suddenly decide that a $55 train trip across the country sounded romantic. I had the number for VIA Rail memorized, and I would usually rattle it off to them and wish them a good trip. Mind you, even when I told them that we didn't run the passenger service any more, they'd sometimes still demand information - often bizarre in nature.
Do the trains still run to Montreal?
Yes, ma'am.
Do they come back?
...!
The next group were the complainers. They would have real, or imagined beefs with the railway, and for the most part they were just calling to vent.
Your trains are too loud!
How long are you going to be blocking the crossing?
I was driving under this bridge in Victoria and a piece fell off and smashed the back window of my car.
I... wait a minute, I'm from Victoria. There's no road under that bridge!
Are you calling me a liar, boy?
Why are you calling me in the first place? Shouldn't you be talking to your insurance company?
(Sadly I'm not making up either of those strange ones.)
After the complainers were the people who found our 800 number listed somewhere and figured, "Meh - it's a free call." Often between the two of you it remained a mystery as to why, exactly, they had just called your company. The really memorable calls were from the truly confused people, though. Sometimes they almost had it right. They knew that they wanted to deal with a railway, but weren't quite sure which one. They wanted to book into a hotel, but were ignorant of the concept of different entities within a corporation, for example. One of the strangest calls I ever had was not only a wrong number, but it also had a language barrier in the way.
It's been 15+ years since this happened, so I'm sure that I'm paraphrasing it a bit, but this is about 90% accurate to the call.
[ring ring]
Hello, [my company] Railway, how may I help you?
[halting English] Flight 826 from Winnipeg. What time arrive?
I'm sorry ma'am, you've called the railroad. You want to call Canadian Airlines International. Would you like the number?
Number 826 from Winnipeg.
Ma'am, I'm sorry but you have called the wrong company. We do not have any planes, we are a railroad. You have to call the airline!
[perky] Yes, thank you!
No, don't thank me, just hang up and call the airline. [slowly] They're called Canadian Airlines International. I would transfer you, but I can't transfer to an outside line.
Yes! Thank you!
[my voice has been slowly picking up in volume, and by this point my co-workers are openly laughing at my dilemma.] No no no. How can I communicate this to you? We. Are. Not. An. Airline. We are a railroad. We do not haul people. We transport bulk commodities like coal, potash and lumber!
Oh! [brightly] Lumber 826 from Winnipeg!
Please stop telling me that. I cannot tell you when that flight arrives. You have called the wrong company.
Yes! Thank you!
No! Not "yes, thank you". I'm sorry that you're confused, but I can't help you. [slowly, with careful enunciation] You have to call Canadian Airlines International!
[timid] Um, sorry. [click]
The second most frequent calls were from people who wanted to know the schedule for the passenger trains. We hadn't run any passenger service for better than 10 years at that point, but these folks would find a dusty brochure from 1957 in the bottom of a trunk in their attic and suddenly decide that a $55 train trip across the country sounded romantic. I had the number for VIA Rail memorized, and I would usually rattle it off to them and wish them a good trip. Mind you, even when I told them that we didn't run the passenger service any more, they'd sometimes still demand information - often bizarre in nature.
Do the trains still run to Montreal?
Yes, ma'am.
Do they come back?
...!
The next group were the complainers. They would have real, or imagined beefs with the railway, and for the most part they were just calling to vent.
Your trains are too loud!
How long are you going to be blocking the crossing?
I was driving under this bridge in Victoria and a piece fell off and smashed the back window of my car.
I... wait a minute, I'm from Victoria. There's no road under that bridge!
Are you calling me a liar, boy?
Why are you calling me in the first place? Shouldn't you be talking to your insurance company?
(Sadly I'm not making up either of those strange ones.)
After the complainers were the people who found our 800 number listed somewhere and figured, "Meh - it's a free call." Often between the two of you it remained a mystery as to why, exactly, they had just called your company. The really memorable calls were from the truly confused people, though. Sometimes they almost had it right. They knew that they wanted to deal with a railway, but weren't quite sure which one. They wanted to book into a hotel, but were ignorant of the concept of different entities within a corporation, for example. One of the strangest calls I ever had was not only a wrong number, but it also had a language barrier in the way.
It's been 15+ years since this happened, so I'm sure that I'm paraphrasing it a bit, but this is about 90% accurate to the call.
[ring ring]
Hello, [my company] Railway, how may I help you?
[halting English] Flight 826 from Winnipeg. What time arrive?
I'm sorry ma'am, you've called the railroad. You want to call Canadian Airlines International. Would you like the number?
Number 826 from Winnipeg.
Ma'am, I'm sorry but you have called the wrong company. We do not have any planes, we are a railroad. You have to call the airline!
[perky] Yes, thank you!
No, don't thank me, just hang up and call the airline. [slowly] They're called Canadian Airlines International. I would transfer you, but I can't transfer to an outside line.
Yes! Thank you!
[my voice has been slowly picking up in volume, and by this point my co-workers are openly laughing at my dilemma.] No no no. How can I communicate this to you? We. Are. Not. An. Airline. We are a railroad. We do not haul people. We transport bulk commodities like coal, potash and lumber!
Oh! [brightly] Lumber 826 from Winnipeg!
Please stop telling me that. I cannot tell you when that flight arrives. You have called the wrong company.
Yes! Thank you!
No! Not "yes, thank you". I'm sorry that you're confused, but I can't help you. [slowly, with careful enunciation] You have to call Canadian Airlines International!
[timid] Um, sorry. [click]
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-18 02:00 pm (UTC)"No airplanes. No. Railroad. You called the railroad."
"Flight 826 from Winnipeg?"
"No. No flight 826 from winnipeg. No flights from anywhere! Numero de telephono is mal! Call the aeropuerto!"
"Flight 826 from Winnipeg?"
"(sigh) 3pm."
"Gracias!"
"De nada."
no subject
Date: 2006-07-18 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-18 03:04 pm (UTC)Maybe the first caller thought Montreal was organizing a railroad monopoly and importing trains without ever sending them back o.o
no subject
Date: 2006-07-18 08:57 pm (UTC)Or maybe they thought there was only one track, so the trains could only go one way, or that trains only went around the continent in a loop like in a train set?