Bad opening lines
Nov. 20th, 2005 06:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plonqI didn't win, but I got honorable mention. Apparently my entries for the contest were too "good" to be considered "bad". I choose to take that as a compliment. Congratulations to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dronon on taking second place.
Anyway, I believe that I threatened earlier to post my one-liners here if they returned my hard copy, and they did, so here they are.
Here is the one that gained me "honorable mention".
The Siamese goddess flowed into my dingy office like a furry beam of catnip and lavender-scented sunlight, where she poured her lithe, silky form into the unworthy naugahyde swivel-chair, crossed her legs enticingly, tipped back the brim of her broad sun hat with a perfectly-manicured claw and said, "I thought the little one-eyed Moroccan hamster seer was speaking metaphorically when he warned that trans-dimensional gerbil ninjas were coming to abduct my brother, but now he's gone, and the seer has fled, and I desperately need your help to find that small medium at large!"
My second entry:
Freddy the furry ferret philanthropist and part-time bee keeper was widely recognized around the town for his broad, flamboyant hats, colourful lederhosen, spicy hungarian meatballs and his propensity for stripping down to his bare fur and dancing in the fountain at the town square, tapping a frantic beat with his wooden peg-leg while his prosthetic tail swung in time - which is exactly what he would have been doing now if he had not mysteriously vanished on his way to the bakery two nights back like the last bath towel in a shared room at a furry convention whose existence is universally acknowledged, but whose present location is obscured behind an opaque veil of evasion, misdirection, denial and innuendo.
dronon on taking second place.Anyway, I believe that I threatened earlier to post my one-liners here if they returned my hard copy, and they did, so here they are.
Here is the one that gained me "honorable mention".
The Siamese goddess flowed into my dingy office like a furry beam of catnip and lavender-scented sunlight, where she poured her lithe, silky form into the unworthy naugahyde swivel-chair, crossed her legs enticingly, tipped back the brim of her broad sun hat with a perfectly-manicured claw and said, "I thought the little one-eyed Moroccan hamster seer was speaking metaphorically when he warned that trans-dimensional gerbil ninjas were coming to abduct my brother, but now he's gone, and the seer has fled, and I desperately need your help to find that small medium at large!"
My second entry:
Freddy the furry ferret philanthropist and part-time bee keeper was widely recognized around the town for his broad, flamboyant hats, colourful lederhosen, spicy hungarian meatballs and his propensity for stripping down to his bare fur and dancing in the fountain at the town square, tapping a frantic beat with his wooden peg-leg while his prosthetic tail swung in time - which is exactly what he would have been doing now if he had not mysteriously vanished on his way to the bakery two nights back like the last bath towel in a shared room at a furry convention whose existence is universally acknowledged, but whose present location is obscured behind an opaque veil of evasion, misdirection, denial and innuendo.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-11-21 01:52 am (UTC)Pun ♥
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Date: 2005-11-21 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-22 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-21 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-23 03:00 am (UTC)I hope your symptoms let up and allow you to have a good Thanksgiving with Atara's family. It was nice to see you at the con and I wish I'd had more of an opportunity to talk to Smrgol and Hartree. I actually managed to have a good ten minutes' conversation with Hartree (cut short by the fire alarm), so that's a breakthrough for me when it comes to meeting new people at cons.