A long-anticipated phone call

[plonq]

I can sum up what the account rep said on the phone in three letters:

OMG

I had warned him almost two years ago that his important reports would stop working when the new system went into place.  I told him that I would keep the old reports running for as long as I could, but that they would turn into a pumpkin as soon as we threw the switch on the new system.  I reminded him a couple more times, the most recent being about six months ago.  Guess what steps he took in securing an alternate source.  If you said "none", you're right.

I suppose I am somewhat sympathetic to his plight, if you equate indifference with sympathy.  I warned him in advance, and even gave him some contact information.  For the moment anyway this one is not my problem.

On the other hand, these things have a way of boomeranging back on me.  "Hey Plonq, there's this guy from customer services who is frantic for a report.  Will you see what you can whip up for him to get him off my back?"

Comments

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

Dear sir,

Thank you for your email of the date 17May2005. However, the expiration date on our "give a shit" promotion ended several weeks ago. The rules clearly spell out that all revisions and changes must be done before the first of this month to be eligible.

We emailed you repeatedly about the impending deadline. We also mailed you letters to you in hard copy, dozens in fact. We left one copy nailed to your door to ensure you found it (PS: Sorry about all the broken glass.) We telephoned. We left a giant-sized print over the windshield of your automobile and even tattooed a copy onto your Chihuahua.

We projected the warnings with lasers into your bedroom at 3am in the hopes it might sink in subliminally. We engraved it into a bowie knife and left it in your front driver side tire. We took out a television ad during news hour. We called your mother. We called your preacher. We called your doctor and asked him to insert a rectal reminder capsule (oh, by the way, you may feel some constipation shortly.) We hired a skywriter. We changed the fortune in your fortune cookie, even. How could you have not known that the deadline was coming up?

We are sorry for any inconvenience the program not working anymore may have caused you. After our staff recover from their exhaustion, we'll put you in the queue for repairs.

[plonq.livejournal.com]

Not to mention the Broadway Hit Musical "Hey, Joe Smith, Your Reports Won't Work After May 15th" to which we sent him complimentary tickets. You may remember the chorus from all the radio play.

"Eff You See Kayyyy EE DEE
What does that meeeean to me?"

[sigh] but there is no getting through to some end users.

[anthony-lion.livejournal.com]

Users, you can't make them think, and you can't launch them into space...

On thursday I have to drive for 3 Hours and take 2 ferries to reach a construction site to look at a laser which won't print A3.
I assume that they didn't mount the extra paper tray correctly, and it's absolutely impossible to get them to double-check it.
Then, after what I expect to be a 10 minute job, I have to turn around and drive all the way back home...
At least I can switch off my cell-phone while on the road as I don't have a proper car-mounted hands-free set. :-)

[shockwave77598.livejournal.com]

"Users, you can't make them think, and you can't launch them into space..."

I launch mine into space all the time :)

[plonq.livejournal.com]

Gotta think of the environment. The pressure difference could cause their heads to start leaking, and it could suck all the vacuum out of space.