"So ... how long have you been agnostic?"
Apr. 15th, 2021 09:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plonqA thread I just finished reading on Reddit reminded me of an awkward lunch conversation from many years ago.
The thread involved a religious person taking it as some kind of personal affront that their room-mate did not share their beliefs. While it's not an exact analogy to what I encountered, some of the conversation resonated with me.
Back before my late brother slid into atheism, he was actually quite devout and deeply involved in Christian activities. As such, he surrounded himself with like-minded friends. We were both living in Vancouver at the time when this happened, and we were hanging out together one Saturday. He had warned me in advance that he was free for the day aside from a lunch date with some friends, but he said that I was welcome to join them. Most of them had not seen each other in some time - a few years in a couple of cases - so I figured I could sit by quietly and eat lunch while they caught up on things.
Anyway, we settled in for lunch at a restaurant over in West Vancouver. It took awhile (a few nanoseconds, if memory serves me), but the lunch conversation turned to religion. I sat quietly to one side, trying to look invisible while I picked at my appetizer and listened to them comparing denominations. It seemed that there had been a minor schism in the group of friends, with each settling into subtly different Christian denominations over the years. I am talking very subtly-different ones, with degrees of separation along the lines of "holds the pinkie straight out when holding a brandy snifter versus having a slight crook at the knuckle".
One of the ladies at the table noticed that I had not spoken up during the conversation, and she decided that she wanted to bring me into it. It's been many years, so I'm paraphrasing a bit here.
"You've been very quiet," she said, just loud enough to catch the attention of the rest of the table. "I'm curious - what denomination are you with?"
The whole table turned to listen to my response, so I replied, "I'm really not comfortable discussing my religious views."
She started in about how they were non-judgemental, and they all friends, and none of them would judge me on which Christian denomination I was with, so I reiterated that I did not want to discuss my beliefs with them, but they were free to continue their discussion amongst themselves.
And she kept pressing. She just wanted to know what flavour of Christian I was, then we could drop if after that. I was reluctant to speak because I knew from past experience with his friends that some of them could be pretty pushy proselytizers.
So I said, "I'm agnostic."
The whole table went silent for a few moments before she said, "So ... how long have you been agnostic?"
I think they all heard the chill in my voice when I said, "I've told you repeatedly that I don't want to talk about this.”
Her friends picked up on that and steered the conversation in other directions. Lunch got much more amiable and less awkward once the conversation switched away from religion.
The thread involved a religious person taking it as some kind of personal affront that their room-mate did not share their beliefs. While it's not an exact analogy to what I encountered, some of the conversation resonated with me.
Back before my late brother slid into atheism, he was actually quite devout and deeply involved in Christian activities. As such, he surrounded himself with like-minded friends. We were both living in Vancouver at the time when this happened, and we were hanging out together one Saturday. He had warned me in advance that he was free for the day aside from a lunch date with some friends, but he said that I was welcome to join them. Most of them had not seen each other in some time - a few years in a couple of cases - so I figured I could sit by quietly and eat lunch while they caught up on things.
Anyway, we settled in for lunch at a restaurant over in West Vancouver. It took awhile (a few nanoseconds, if memory serves me), but the lunch conversation turned to religion. I sat quietly to one side, trying to look invisible while I picked at my appetizer and listened to them comparing denominations. It seemed that there had been a minor schism in the group of friends, with each settling into subtly different Christian denominations over the years. I am talking very subtly-different ones, with degrees of separation along the lines of "holds the pinkie straight out when holding a brandy snifter versus having a slight crook at the knuckle".
One of the ladies at the table noticed that I had not spoken up during the conversation, and she decided that she wanted to bring me into it. It's been many years, so I'm paraphrasing a bit here.
"You've been very quiet," she said, just loud enough to catch the attention of the rest of the table. "I'm curious - what denomination are you with?"
The whole table turned to listen to my response, so I replied, "I'm really not comfortable discussing my religious views."
She started in about how they were non-judgemental, and they all friends, and none of them would judge me on which Christian denomination I was with, so I reiterated that I did not want to discuss my beliefs with them, but they were free to continue their discussion amongst themselves.
And she kept pressing. She just wanted to know what flavour of Christian I was, then we could drop if after that. I was reluctant to speak because I knew from past experience with his friends that some of them could be pretty pushy proselytizers.
So I said, "I'm agnostic."
The whole table went silent for a few moments before she said, "So ... how long have you been agnostic?"
I think they all heard the chill in my voice when I said, "I've told you repeatedly that I don't want to talk about this.”
Her friends picked up on that and steered the conversation in other directions. Lunch got much more amiable and less awkward once the conversation switched away from religion.
