I don't expect to ever see this one performed

The first time or two that we came to this convention, we sat in on the morning Pawpet show. There were a few amusing skits, but the bulk of it seemed to consist of hand puppets lip-synching to canned songs. Sometimes the puppeteer would act out parts of the song, but often there was little more than just a bobbing puppet with a mouth moving in time to the lyrics. While I don't want to take anything away from the skill involved in synching that well, at the same time, there is a very strong sense of "seen that" by the time you get to the fourth or fifth number in the show.

The tilting point for us came at the end of a particularly long song, where somebody was obviously just hunched behind the stage drinking coffee while they flapped their other hand - inside a puppet - in time with one of the (subjectively) longest songs ever recorded. When it was done, we quietly ducked out the back door, never to return.

On our way to the sponsors' brunch this morning we passed the pawpet room, and the whole memory came flooding back to me like it had happened yesterday. I had promised myself that I was going to write something before the con was over, and suddenly I had a germ of an idea. I have no experience at writing scripts, but it was my thinking that even if my script sucks, it's still a far cry better than lip-synching to old songs. Without further ado, I am please to present...

( The Pawpet Skit That You Will Never See Performed )